How can I fight this longing feeling, Hon.. If Allah could tell you how much I miss you... I miss you so much Honey....
posted by DHS

Hon,

I have so many things to tell. But I don't know which one to start. It's been 3 weeks since you've gone. Apa yang dulu saya takutkan, mulai terwujud satu persatu.

Alex menguasai semua uang dan barang kamu. What he gives me so far just pakaian2 buruk kamu (yang bagus dan mahal dia simpan), wang RM200 (itupun sisa dari uang tahlilan) dan uang RM50. Other than that, dia tak ada bagi. He doesnt even give anything to Albert, cancel his school, and doesnt do anything for Albert's school.

Hon,

Alex mau nikah. Alina tidak jadi convert ke Katolik. Dia akan tetap menjadi Hindu. Mereka akan menikah tahun ini juga. Kamu pasti tidak setuju kan? But what you can do now. For me personally, I dont mind apa agama dia, yang penting dia boleh buat Alex happy and take care of him, its enough for me.

Alina is a pretty girl. But if I hear from Alex, Alex cannot 'tame' her. She is too stubborn. Hope God protects Alex.

Hon,

I miss you so much.... what are you doing? Why are you not coming to my dream?
posted by DHS

Hon...

It's been a week since you've gone. I know you WILL NEVER read this. But let me this be a way for me to have a chit chat with you. Though I know you will never know..

I went to a Bazaar of Indonesian women in KL. I became the event host. They all were quite surprise that for someone who just lost her husband, I was just fine.

They do not know what I feel inside.. No one knows.
posted by DHS

Hon..

You finally gave up. Selesai sudah cerita cinta kita, Hon. You went to see God on the 1st of May 2010. You got what you wanted, Hon. Die with me next to you, with my hands holding yours.

Hon..

My happiness, is burried with you. There will be no more other great happiness of mine, for the rest of my life...

Thank you for the great 5 years spent with you :) I love you and I always will.

Your Wife,
Dian
posted by DHS

Hon,

You've moved to an isolation room. Doctor said the infection has damaged your lungs, and that it could affect other sick patients. You have very bad pneumonia and you surely are in pains if you wake up. The lungs infection is worsening because your body rejects the antibiotics they have been giving you. So their plan to reduce your sedation, is cancelled. They keep the dosage high.

Your drainage brain hose has been removed. Doctor said you cant have it for a long time. Only for a few days, but the pressure in your brain is fine. Your sugar level has gone down to 7.3. If you keep maintaining to make it down to 4, they will stop the insulin.

Your pupil is getting bigger. From size 3, to size 4. If it reaches size 6 or 7, you're dying. Doctor said you are very very sick and you can die.

Honey, I am very down today. So many things in my head.

I also have a question, why Alex always can get away from troubles with you, with everybody? He likes to take credit. He wants to take over your job. If he wants to do it, then do. If he needs my help, then dont take credit. I am the only one, right now, who's trying to keep your business running. He keeps giving me orders to tell your customers that "Tell them, I will take over. I am his son."

I dont want to fight over this. But to be honest, I am sad. It always happens in my life. When I helped you to get the job in DHL, with proud you said "Without Alex, I wont get the job." You did not even remember me..... I dont want to be dipuji2.. I just wonder.. why. Why people never see my contribution..

I am just an outsider. I sms Alex "Maybe we should let go one business in Port Klang since it's quite risky. The fence isn't good, if barang hilang, we must pay." then he said "Yeah I will pick up one by one. Not easy." Everytime I said "we", Alex answered with "I." If he thinks he is the only one who keeps your business running, then do it by himself.

I dont want to get any money from your business. I just dont understand when Alex can be totally matured and be grateful of my existence in his life......
posted by DHS

Hon,

I am sorry I wasn't able to come in the afternoon. I had some works that gave me RM200. Lumayan lah buat a few days since no bus to reach the hospital so I must take a cab and it's RM20 one way. I don't want to ask money from Alex. You know I never ask. Kepada siapapun, saya tak pernah meminta.

Ruban and Aunty Gloria came. They talked about past. About Julitha and the kids and the time those days. Again, I was like an outsider. Mano is a total torture. Everytime he came, all came from his mouth was only Julitha Julitha and Julitha. Only times when you were with her, when you two were still bercinta, ini itu.

I DONT WANT TO HEAR THAT.

Hon, your business in Aman is taken care of by Haji. Your assignment in Redza is by Kamaruddin and Ema the new Kerani. I'm helping them in doing a few things.

For your business in Amber Court, Alex and I are doing. Again, I do this not for me. I dont ask my share. I do this to help you. But I'm a bit sad since Alex is not doing anything yet, but he already declared that he's running your business. Again, I do this not for me. For you. I am just sad.... cos someone else takes credit on what Im doing.

When you wake up, what you know is Alex, your son, took care your business when you couldn't. And I am again... just a mere shadow...

I feel like.. should I leave all these to him? Should I just leave you to him? I think again.. and No. I wont leave you to him. I do this, not for him, not for you. But for myself. Because my love for you is genuine and sincere. I love you unconditionally.
posted by DHS

I'm starting to not feeling well. Got severe headache, maybe because lack of sleep. By the way, Hon.

When I collected your paperworks at your house and download all of your files from your computer to my pendrive, I found 'something'. I asked Albert did he ever try to check your papers. He said no.

Whoaaa... what the hell is that, Hon?? Porn film hahahahaa! You're cute. And don't worry, it is safe with me. You're lucky they did not see it.
posted by DHS